I really like when my wife gives me a list of things to do. I didn’t always like it, but now I do. For those of you that think this is preposterous, I present these 3 reasons why you should like honey do lists also.
1 Clear Expectations
Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy. ~ Bill Cosby
There are many things to be confusing in a relationship or a marriage. Having a few areas where results and expectations are unambiguous can be building blocks of positive interactions that can be ease tensions later. When our relationship was new my wife had several things that she didn’t have time to do or thought I should do. I had other things that I saw and thought “now that’s something she obviously needs to do.” Since we both were focusing on the things we saw we couldn’t see what the other person was seeing. Frustration rose until it finally came to a head and we had a conversation about expectations. On both sides there were things we missed that were obvious. We also realized why some of the “obvious” things were hard for our partner to see. Shockingly we also found some of our expectations to be incorrect. We now try to discuss what we expect sooner instead of allowing emotions to build up which get in the way of communication. A list from my wife is a clear expectation or request. I don’t have to worry if I am seeing all the things she sees that need to get done. I don’t have to worry that I am not measuring up to an unknown ruler. For that I am thankful.
2 Opportunity for discussion
Now that I have a list I can see if those expectations are realistic. Is she taking advantage of me? Is she wanting to accomplish something that I think should wait for a better time? Now we can have a productive conversation around a list of activities and how they fit and benefit our lives.
3 Showing Love
How often do you really have the opportunity to do something for someone else that you really know will benefit them. I am often dense in social situations and slow on clues. I now have a weekly gift of knowing how I can express my love and can care for my wife.
First to the list wins
The next step is to make the list first. You can do this by by looking for the tasks before she sees them. It’s important here to keep the communication open by discussing it before you do lot of big stuff. She might want to be involved or have different priorities. Create the list and the show it to your partner and have the discussions. You can then divide the list a conquer or do things together. Don’t forget to be clear, discuss, and show the love.
How do you feel about honey do lists? How else you keep expectations clear in relationships?